Pappa wants mamma naked
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
