Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
