Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
