I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
