For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
