I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
