Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
