my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
