I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
