If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
