That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
