I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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