Screwed.edu
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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