All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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