Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
