I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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