cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
