lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
