he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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