this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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