sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
