Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
