For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
