is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
