I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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