oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
