Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
