Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
