she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i think i just lost a toe
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
