Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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