It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
