Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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