Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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