I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When are your genitals available?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
