I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
