But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
