what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
