i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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