he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
