I have demons in me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
