I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
