The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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