He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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