you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
