I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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