Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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