3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
