omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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