I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
