the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
