Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
