Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
