just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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