My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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