i may or may not be watching the land before time
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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