There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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