it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize