i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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