id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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