in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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