You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
