Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
