the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
