I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
