who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize