Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
