GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
